Facing the fear

IMG_5170

When I first tried surfing I had no fear, I jumped into the water and had the best time of my life just trying to get up on that board. 

A few years later I tried again and ended up getting sloshed about & having a bad experience getting stuck out in the water on a busy beach and panicking, so now the smallest of waves make me pee in my wetsuit…
Yesterday we met a friendly German guy on the beach who was a beginner like us, he said he was taught from his instructor that the hardest part of surfing was catching the wave. Looking back on our videos, you can see we’re either too far forward & get sucked up into it (not pleasant) or frustratingly behind it desperately trying to get on.
I try to be graceful while I’m paddling but I end up flailing about from tiredness; how come all the out of shape people can do it with such grace?? I’ve been trying to get into shape for this and I still can’t make it!!
I woke up at 5.30 today and coincidentally read this: “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” ~ Thích Nhất Hạnh
I think the hardest part for me at the moment isn’t as much to do with catching the waves, or being out of shape, it’s that I’m holding on to my fears. You could say I’m mentally out of shape. When I step into the water I’m thinking “oh shit” and telling myself I’m never going to make it. I’m replaying all my worst experiences, then I’m telling myself not to be “such a pussy”.
What is this voice?
It’s my dark side. My inner bully. I must learn to let it go or I’ll always be in fear & I’ll never find that freedom I desire. But how? Honestly I have no idea, but for now I’m going to try this;
I’m going to start by saying a prayer for 5 things I am grateful for in my life (In my head, not aloud; I don’t yet have the self-assurance to do that aloud!)
Then I’ll take a warm up jog along the beach and check out the other surfers/waves and visualise myself in there.
Then I’ll practice popping up on the sand a couple of times, just to get used to the positioning (I know some people are against that but whatever).
Then I’ll head into the water & be in the waves without the board for a bit, just to get used to going under/over them.
Then I’ll get the board just up to the surf if I can, and practice popping up there.
If I get that far, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll paddle out behind the waves.
Let’s see how it goes…
IMG_5228
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s